To say that this year has been rough would be an understatement. A complete and total upheaval would be more appropriate. Every time I feel lost, I always sit in awe and wonder of the Universe when these kinds of life altering events happen. In the moment they are happening I find myself asking why? Why did this particular event have to happen, causing so much pain and suffering in a life already fraught with much of that. It isn’t until my awareness expands and some time has gone by that I see the beauty in the destruction.
I was confident depression would overtake me, especially having a small son that I swore would never have to go through something like this. Yet for some reason, none of the internal chaos that I was sure would finish me, actually did. Instead something rather miraculous occurred.
As I sat wrapping presents for the Christmas celebration with family, I found myself smiling. Seven months ago I thought I would never smile again. With the sudden shifting of my life path I was so unsure where I was going. The machete that I had been hacking at the weeds of life with had gone dull and I was suddenly in a whole new forest of overgrowth that was choking me at every turn. I was lost. I had no idea if I was on the right path anymore. Yet here I was smiling…and humming. This internal feeling of joy was so profound I couldn’t shut it off. Amidst everything I’d been through I knew the Universe was not going to let me down because quite frankly, they never have.
I’ve spoken to Angels since I was a child and I always found comfort with them but in recent years I was also chanting every night in Sanskrit. However, since I was introduced to this practice by my biological father who is the one responsible for this most unfortunate shake up, chanting in Sanskrit now brought me so much pain I felt it was no longer the path I was supposed to follow.
I asked Universe (as I had so many times before) the best way to help me through this most recent spiritual crisis and right on cue they sent me Sarah. Through her, I was introduced to Nichiren Shoshu True Buddhism. I had always been drawn to the Buddha. A very vivd dream of my son telling me he was Buddhist long before giving birth to him made this particular wink more like a kick in the behind. After chanting once, I knew this was the Universe giving me a tremendous gift. Within a week of each other, my son, my husband and I all received Gojakai (the seed of happiness). I have found so much comfort in this practice, witnessing small miracles in my life every day. I know I would have never had this wonderful experience had my world not fallen apart.
Another blessing that was generously bestowed upon me was is in the area of career. I was working for my biological father in a company I had no interest in, wasting away day after day being caught up in his contrived dramas rather than getting on with my own business. Due to unfortunate events, his business has shattered and it’s just a matter of weeks before it’s completely gone. With no say or control, that avenue is no longer open to me. Everything that went with it including the relationship with my biological father has turned to dust much as it did the first time back in 1989 when my father disappeared from our lives. In repeating history, he has not only abandoned me and my brother (for the second time in this life) but also our respective families. He was confident he had destroyed us, which is what he set out to do, but fortunately the Universe had another plan for us.
Come 2018 we are launching two new businesses in addition to our film company. Again something we would have never done festering and miserable in our old comfortable lives. We are expanding in ways we could have never before. We are doing things we love with people we love. Every day is a new adventure filled with positivity and light.
Even my relationship with my brother which was always tumultuous due to the meddling and instigating of my father, is now stronger than ever. I look at my family and thank the heavens they are healthy, and happy which is most important above all else. Even through this most strenuous time my baby boy is always smiling. I believe another gift from the Universe.
Although I have dealt with a full plate of loss, abandonment and uncertainty in my life I have never been one to roll over and give up. Even if the future seemed bleak, I would go within and try my best to see where there might be a silver lining. Because there is always hope. Our job is to find it no matter how hard she may hide herself from us.
While I thought I would be sad and depressed this Christmas, instead I find myself immersed in an attitude of gratitude. I am grateful for the upheaval in my life, I am thankful my world fell apart, I am thrilled to be rid of toxic people and situations. I look forward to the new year and all the promise new beginnings bring.
And just as an added gift, three times today I bought something that had the numbers “777”. Knowing that the universe speaks in number sequences I quickly went home to look them up. Thanks to Doreen Virtue and her book Angel Numbers 101, I was easily able to find what I was looking for. Right there under “777” it said the following:
You are definitely on the right path in every area of your life. Stay balanced and spiritually aware so that you can continue moving forward on this illuminated path.
There it was, the answer to my question. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I believe that to be true. They can knock you down but they can’t knock you out. Open your heart to the Universe and like a hungry beggar beg that it be filled. And it will. Never give up, let the ones you love change you, and always live your life with an attitude of gratitude.