To gypsy or not to gypsy, that is the question. When navigating the ethers for a good psychic, the answer my friends is simple. No way. Living in NYC I have had many run-ins with gypsies. They are not all bad as far as humans go however when trying to discover the complexities of your life path, I would strongly advise you not go there.
While I have been lured many times by gypsies on the streets of Manhattan, the most nefarious experience that comes to mind was actually on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. I know what you’re thinking, this story can’t end well when starting with “the boardwalk in Atlantic City.” And you are correct! Alas, there I was with my best friend Willem enjoying the brownish blue tint of the Atlantic ocean, when the inevitable happened. Right there on the boardwalk was a sign. “Get your palm read $5.” To any normal person, it was JUST a sign but to a psychic junkie it was a homing beacon.
Reaching out its tendrils toward me, I was hooked. “Let’s go get a reading.” I squealed. Willem was an avid tarot card reader himself so being that he was so much like me (sans addiction) he readily agreed. Upon entering their little hut, we saw two ladies badly in need of a dentist chatting away. As soon as they saw us they both shot up. Willem went to the right with the younger woman and I to the left with the grandmother.
I sat down in a tiny chair. The gypsy smiled at me but didn’t say much. She picked up my hand and began to study it. “I see you have perfect health and well being. I also see extreme fame and popularity.”
Yes, Yes! I thought. Tell me more. So far this was going great!
“But there is a dark energy blocking this.” Instant buzz kill.
“Darkness.” I said thinking about all the creeps that have been in my life. “I guess that makes sense.”
“You’re cursed.” She said eyes wide and black as night.
I sat back in my chair. Her already unattractive features were crinkled in such a way that made her a bit more terrifying. For a brief moment I had a flash of being drugged and taken to her secret ceremonial cave where she would gut me and use me as a human sacrifice not unlike the Kalima from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I instinctively covered my heart.
“I can get rid of this curse. This devil is no match for me. Then all the health, well being, fame and popularity will come flooding in like it is destined to.” She prophesied.
I looked up with gratitude. “You would do that?” My hand remained on my heart … just in case.
She nodded. “Yes. I will do spells every night for thirty days. I will light protection candles, and wear reiki charged crystals to attract positive energy. I will invoke the angelic spirits to help me banish this devil for good.”
Wow I thought. Not just darkness, but an actual devil. Lucky me.
“Is this something you would like me to do? I can get started tonight.” she asked.
I thought it over for two seconds … then … “Yes.”
“Praise Jesus.” She threw up her hands dramatically.
“Praise Jesus.” I repeated enthusiastically also throwing my hands up.
“You will be saved.” She exclaimed.
“Yay.” I thought.
“That will be five thousand dollars.” she said without so much as a twitch.
“Wait … I’m sorry what? I choked out replacing my hand over my heart.
“That is how much it costs to get rid of it. But that is only for thirty days. We may have to do this for six months before we can really be sure its gone. But trust me. When this devil is finally banished, you will smile again.”
“And it’s five thousand dollars every month until it’s exorcised?” I asked incredulously.
“I have to travel to the underworlds of darkness. Walk between life and death in order to save you from demons that feast on your soul.”
I threw up in my mouth. Something about the whole feast on my soul thing threw me over the edge. “You know what. I’m okay with not smiling. My face is better suited for brooding.” I stood up, a bit dizzy hand still over heart, backing out of the room.
“This demon has been dragging you down for years at least ten that I can see. It must be removed immediately or you will continue to live a life of pain and suffering.” She retorted.
“Ten years huh. Longest relationship to date.” I joked. She was not amused.
“You will never find love, marry or have children. You will be miserable and sad while the devil takes your life from you.”
“Fascinating prophecy .. and while I will certainly heed your warning, this devil and I seem to have gotten along this far, wouldn’t want to fuck it up now. Thanks for the reading.”
I ran out of their little hut and back out into the salty sea air. I heaved for a moment wiping the sweat off my brow.
“How did it go Angie?” I looked up and saw Willem … he looked like an angel surrounded by sunlight. I ran and hugged him. “Thank god we got out of there alive.”
Willem laughed. “What? Why do you say that?”
“Apparently I have a demon attached to me.” I blurted out.
“Yeah. And for five thousand dollars she can remove it. She said my life would continue to be awful, and suck if I didn’t get rid of the demon. Did you have one too?” I asked.
“No. She said she saw all great things in the future. I was going to be doing what I love, meet the man of my dreams and I might be moving to the west coast. Wait did you say five thousand dollars?”
“They didn’t ask you for five thousand? I asked sheepishly
“Heck no, I just paid the five dollars.” he replied.
“So I’m darkness and you’re light. That’s just fucking great.”
Willem started to laugh. “Can I take you and your devil to lunch?” he put his arm around me and we headed back toward the hotel.
I didn’t know it at the time but it had nothing to do with darkness or light. I had the need to know. I was more susceptible to her manipulations that Willem would ever be. Not all Gypsies are like this swindler but many of them are. You need to be so careful when choosing someone to read for you. There are so many people out there who take advantage of those who are at their most vulnerable.
Nothing the Gypsy predicted ever came true. Perhaps she was full of it from the start or perhaps the choices I made in my life altered what she read at that moment. Praise the Universe for free will! Or maybe the devil just got bored of me and moved on to someone more exciting … Weinstein? Trump? My dad? I guess there are just some things in life we are not meant to know. One thing is for certain though … she could definitely see that I was a psychic junkie.