The Liar, the Bitch and the BJ: Part 1

Hell Hath No Fury

Our story begins in a little town above Mexico called Los Angeles.  It is here that Matt (my now very ex-boyfriend)  meets a girl we will call *Brigit.  While the details of Brigit and Matt are not important, what is important was how I found out about them.

It was 10am and Matt should have been on a flight back home.  I hadn’t heard a word from him since 4pm the day before. I called his phone.  Straight to voicemail.

I paced the office for a few more moments then decided I was going to break into his phone.  With all the trust issues I was having, Matt gave me the code to his VM.  I called his phone and quickly punched in the code.

“Hi it’s Brigit.  It was so nice meeting you tonight.  Thank you so much for dinner.  I had a great time.  Hope to talk to you soon … (she left her phone number which I quickly jotted down).

“Who the fuck is Brigit? Maybe they were all out to dinner and she’s a good friend of his friend or something stupid like that?  Don’t jump right to the worst case scenario.” I thought to myself.  The messages continued.  Then there she was … again… this morning.

“Hey … it’s me (in her best sexy voice) I just want to say thank you … for everything.  Have a safe flight home.  Can’t wait to talk to you again.  Okay.  Mmmm. Bye.”

Scarlet was right!!  Who is Scarlet you ask? Well she is my trusty psychic of course!  You didn’t think I was going to go through all this without the aid of a psychic did you? A few days earlier when I started to get that uneasy feeling in my stomach I made the call.

“I see him with a brunette.  He’s at a club.  I feel like … Oh okay.  I see her giving him oral sex.  But that is it.  They’re in a club bathroom.  I hear a lot of music and there are so many people around.  He doesn’t love her or anything.  He sees her something like a toilet bowl.  Just to get his business done.”

With this newest development I was downright devastated.  How can I call him out when he’s three thousand miles away?  What am I going to say? A psychic told me?  He’d  have me committed and not the wedding kind.  No.  I was going to have to take matters into my own brain.

When Matt arrived I played dumb as if I didn’t know anything. What Matt didn’t know was that with the help of my best friend Stephie, I had concocted a plan to trap that lying snake.

Sitting on the couch I texted a friend of mine in LA.  I gave her instructions on what was happening  and she readily agreed to help us. As soon ash she received my text, she called me.

“Hi Gabby.  It’s been a while how are you?  I’m okay.  What’s up? You seem so upset.”

Matt wasn’t really paying attention to me or my call.  That’s the great thing about narcissists.  Total self absorption.

“Yes Matt’s here.  Why?  Okay.  Well why can’t you just tell me now.”

Another great thing about narcissists is that when they do hear their name, they immediately respond.

“Okay well then call me later.  Bye.” I hung up

“What was that about babe?” he questioned mouth full of Cheetos.

“I don’t know.  Gabby was acting really strange.  She said she had to tell me something but wanted to wait till I was alone.  It’s probably nothing.  She’s always so melodramatic.” I said.

“Why don’t you call her back? I’ll take a walk.” I looked over at Matt slowly.  The way every good psycho girlfriend does when she knows that shit is about to go down.

“No. I”ll call her later.  Let’s go eat.” I jumped up from the couch.  I couldn’t help but smile as I grabbed my sweater.  This was going to be fun.

Matt and I get to the restaurant. Right before we stepped inside I told myself that if he asks me again about Gabby he definitely cheated on me.  Because let’s face it, it wasn’t like Matt to give even a mild shit about anything any one of my friends had to say … unless it was about him.

As our pizza arrived Matt did the unforgivable setting the wheels in motion for my epic entrapment plan … he asks, “Have you heard back from Gabby?”


I smiled to myself and mustering my best performance to date (my acting talents were wasted on this crap) I grabbed my phone.  “No. But ya know what. Why don’t I call her now.” I said

It’s showtime! I thought as I got up from the table and went outside and called Steph.  “Okay remember.  You KNOW the truth.  Scarlet told you and the messages confirmed it.  Nothing he says will deter you from your mission, got it?”

“Got it.” I said as my heart burst through my throat.  “But I kind of feel bad.  I feel like I should just tell him the truth of how I found out.”

“No.  The truth will not work with him.  He is immune to the truth.  And he will only twist it and use it against you.  The truth isn’t going to get you anywhere in this situation.  Put on your big girl heels and kick him in the balls.  It’s the only way.”

She was right.  I was at the end of my relationship with Matt anyway.  This was the straw my psychic Angela had predicted a year ago.

I took a deep breath, gathered my strength and went back inside.  Without any warning I sat right across from Matt, looked him straight in the eye and said, “Who’s Brigit?”

I thought Matt died in his chair. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Was the result of all that brain churning.

“Really you don’t?  She didn’t blow you in a club bathroom after you guys went to dinner?”

Matt choked on his pizza. His eyes shifted left, right, down and back as he searched his pea brain for excuses. Similar to this giph below of Mr. Jax Taylor from Bravo’s Vanderpump Rules.


Matt stayed by my side the whole night and declined to go out for a drink with the guys.  While Matt slept (albeit not well) he had no idea that this little “situation” was far from over as a matter of fact, the wrath of the Psychic Junkie had only just begun …



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