Love Spell Hell


Don’t you dare do that.” came Sandra’s warning in her thick southern accent.

“Well, I might have already done it.”

You did not.

“I did.  At least, I think I did. No, I’m pretty sure I did.  No, I definitely did.”

Damn it to hell.  How many times have I told you not to get down and dirty with that crap?  Who showed you how to do a love spell? And more importantly, why in the name of the good lord Jesus would you ever attempt to do it?

The first question was easier to answer.  I got the book of spells and the candles at a store called The Enlightened Mind.  The second question, well that was more complicated.  I had recently been ejected from a relationship where the boy I was living with had decided the girl he was working with was a much better option than I and so before I knew it, I was out on my ass and living with my brother.

I had just met a new fella whom I thought I liked.  The thing was, I’m pretty sure I didn’t really like him. I was so desperate, from the humiliation of it all,  to replace what I had lost, that I would have been happy with any loser.  Unfortunately for me, it didn’t help that I’d received a reading from a psychic, who told me that we were soul mates and I needed to make him realize it.  Not being in my right mind, I fell for it.

So, here I was on the verge of madness and all over someone I couldn’t even stand.  The irony was not lost on me, but the power of the spell was something quite frightening.

“Sandra, I am going crazy.  I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.  I am literally at war with my emotions.  He is not someone that I even like and I just keep getting more and more obsessed.  It’s like my heart is screaming no but my mind is on this hamster wheel and I am losing all sense of self control.  I don’t even want him!  But I feel like I have to have him.  I’m going mad…is this what madness feels like?  They commit people for less than this you know.”

Oh LordWell, you are not technically mad, the spell seems to have backfired.  My dear, you have gone and gotten yourself into a whole heap of crap now haven’t ya?”

“How do I get myself into these messes.  What is wrong with me?

You’re stubborn and you don’t listen.  Now listen up and listen goodYou absolutely cannot mess with someones free will.  That is a huge universal no, no.  The powers that be do not like that kind of behavior and I am sure somewhere in one of your many past lives, you did these kinds of spells all the time which is why you are so adept at doing them, and why the universe is trying to teach you such a hard lesson.”

“Lesson learned.”

Anyway,  this is pretty common.  Often times these kinds of spells backfire and hit the person sending them.  It’s almost like a punishment for bad behavior.  Now you know what it feels like when something is manipulating your emotions against your will which is what you were trying to do to him.”

“Can you fix it?” I cried.

Of course I can. But I hope you learned your dang lesson.

“I’m never doing another love spell again.”  I whined.

I truly hope so.  And you must be more discerning when choosing readers.  Not all of them are standing on the right side of the divine.  Ya get me?”

“Loud and clear.”

Sandra spent the next hour coaching me into an epic reversal spell that obliterated the false bond I had created.  As soon as the spell was over I felt immediately better.

Two days later he dumped me and I could not be happier!  It was the best dumping of my life.  Here is the exact transcription of our final au revoir.

Guy:   Hey.  I really like you but I don’t think it’s working out between us.

Me:  Yes!  You are so right. Oh God thank you!

Guy: (confused)  Well… I didn’t think it was that bad, I mean I thought we had great chemistry.

Me: Yeah. Right. Well thanks for everything and best of luck.  Gotta go.

Guy: “Okay.  Not quite how I thought this was going to go, but I’m glad you’re taking it well.  I was afraid you’d be all weepy and psycho. You know how most girls are.”

Me: (talking super fast) “Oh no honey,  I’ve already passed the psycho stage weeks ago, when I put a love spell on you and it backfired terribly which made me crazy for a short while, but the truth is I really didn’t like you all that much anyway and the universe taught me a huge lesson.  So now we are both free and umm…thanks for the soul lesson and umm…yeah…bye.”

I hung up before he could say anything else.  I’m sure he had quite a story to tell his friends about this “crazy girl” he dated, but I couldn’t care less.  C’est la vie! I was free crazy and all.  And as a general rule, if you are not slightly crazy in your early twenties … you missed your twenties.

Many people ask me about  love spells, and I highly, highly recommend you DO NOT GO THERE.  Manipulating someone else through magic is not good karma for one, can have disastrous consequences which can make you terribly unhappy AND you might miss the boat on a partner who IS right for you.

When dealing with the matters of the heart, take a Xanax and CHILL or much like the Psychic Junkie, you might find yourself on the crazy train to nowhere.  Till next time,

Keep Seeking,



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