A LOVING MISCONCEPTION
As Empaths we believe in BIG love, romantic love, Hollywood romanticized love, poetic love, and of course EPIC love! We believe that we should love even when it is not reciprocated, and sometimes, at the expense of our happiness and personal safety.
The idea of “loving” people at its most basic level is really more about having a loving kindness attitude toward everyone we meet. And we can certainly do this! This includes loving those that are grumpy and not so nice to us. As a matter of fact, we should definitely be kinder to those people. But we shouldn’t date them, marry them, befriend them, or procreate with them.
While it’s a great quality to see the good in people, you must learn to do so from afar. You cannot save people who are not willing or ready to save themselves. It just isn’t the path to happiness for you or the other person. You can however, have compassion for those who struggle or are tough to love. You can be a good friend to them or an ear when they need, but you really should avoid dating them.
Having compassion for others is not the same as trying to save them. Often times, with us empaths, we are really seeking to save a part of ourselves that we feel we either lost, or is perhaps not good enough to be loved. We then project (there is that word everyone hates) our needs onto our “pet project” and become infinitely disappointed when they do not live up to our expectations.
This hamster wheel repeats ad infinitum, until we finally come to understand that we are not quite attracting the right people to ourselves.
If you believe that you must “save” someone, then the universe will send you someone who needs to be saved. If you feel as though you are not good enough, the universe will send you people and situations that reinforce this idea that you are not good enough. And if you truly believe that you are not deserving of love, then the law of attraction will bring unto you, those who prove that you are correct. BUT! If you believe you are worthy of love, and that you ARE good enough, all the universe will conspire to give you what you need.
Changing our thoughts, and belief systems is key to unlocking our full empathetic potential as the creative, sensitive, intuitive beings we are. A deep understanding of our need to save, will help us to properly channel that energy into charitable acts benefiting society and on a much grander scale, humanity as a whole. It will allow us to shift focus from becoming involved in toxic relationships and situations that drain our energy often times resulting in abusive relationships, to expressing universal love to all those who could benefit from and appreciate our kindness.
In the relationship arena, a healthy relationship is a balanced give and take. Both partners have a mutual love, respect and concern for each other with each contributing their best self to the partnership. If you are in a relationship that feels as though you are constantly giving, leaving you drained and irritated, you might be loving the wrong person.
It’s time to take a deep look within and ask yourself why you want to save someone else at the detriment to your own happiness? You do not have to sacrifice for love or be a martyr. There are no points for living a miserable life just so some parasite can be happy with themselves, which by the way, they never will be.
The work is within. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Tear down your walls and rebuild them with positive beliefs and ideas. Go deep within and tell yourself you are worthy of being loved by someone wonderful who will treat you with the mutual respect and kindness you deserve. The universe will then begin to bring those people and situations into your life. Remember, The Law of Attraction is tried and true, what you put out is sure to come back to you.
When we shift the focus within, and heal the parts of us that need thought correction, our lives will change. When we shift our focus to loving ourselves first, and I’m not talking about narcissistic love, as that comes from deep psychological need and ego, we will start to notice that others respond to us in kind. And you will finally come to understand that the love you have been so desperately trying to find outside of yourself in saving others, is really within you. As the late great Whitney Houston sang “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.”