Why are we here? What is is all for? What is my purpose? If you find yourself asking these questions, you are not alone.
I have often asked myself this very question causing me to have suffered through extreme bouts of anxiety and depression focusing on it. Sometimes the very thought can bring me to a state of panic.
Where do we go when we die? Is there an afterlife? Purgatory? Hell? Aliens? Angels? Demons? All of it? None of it? These questions swirl through my mind and depending on who you ask, the answer can be very different. This compounds the anxiety and the idea of, “What the hell am I?”
My latest reader, “Bobby” was a minister with an extensive background in Buddhism.
“What am I supposed to do with my life? Why am I here?” I cried.
“There is no real answer to that question. Why are we here? We are here to learn, to grow, as souls. We are here to remember that we are not separate from the source, but rather a part of it. As human beings we are wired to believe that we need to search outside of ourselves rather than look within. As above. So below.”
“So what I am?” I asked, interested in hearing what this particular medium felt.
“We are all projections from the source, God, Universe, Logos, whatever you wish to call it. Physical manifestations of our thoughts. Our thoughts create this reality that we live in, and we play it out. Similar to what actors do on a stage. We continue to play out these dramas in order for our souls to learn and grow, to remember that love is the only thing that is real. The idea that we are not separate (ego) but rather part of this amazing, loving kindness that is present in all of creation.”
“Interesting.” I said. This is a theory I had heard many times.
“So we project this illusory self onto this illusory world and other souls contract to do the same. But none of it is real and so even panic, and anxiety isn’t real.”
“It feels pretty damn real,” I said thinking about how crazy it can make me feel.
“No, totally, and I don’t mean to diminish your feelings, but they are just that…feelings. While it’s happening it might feel real, but it’s not. Think about when you dream. You’re having a nightmare right? And you wake up in a panic, heart pounding, sweat pouring down your face, heavy breathing? You follow?”
“I’m with you.” I said.
“But it isn’t real right? You are in your bed, safe in the comfort of your own home, YET your body is having a reaction to this dream, this illusion of a reality that isn’t happening at all. Yet you are in a panic.”
It was so true. I had woken up many times from a nightmare or uncomfortable dream in a total state of panic. He was right. I wasn’t unsafe. No part of the dream was based in reality yet there I was having a panic attack.
“The same thing is true on a much grander scale. Your true form is safe in the higher dimensions, lovingly guiding you while your 3D projection is here. Since you’ve forgotten all about where you came from (because if any of us truly remembered we’d be begging to get the hell out of here) you feel this is your reality, when in truth it is not. And don’t forget, nothing, and I mean nothing in this world happens without your higher self agreeing to it first. The universe is very orderly.”
“Even those who claim to be abducted by aliens?” I asked, dead serious.
Bobby laughed. “Absolutely. they’ve forgotten that they agreed to it, but free will is part of divine order, so their higher selves had to agree as part of their soul contract. Same thing is true with those who are victims of horrific acts of violence, loss, abandonment, etcetera. I know this is hard to wrap your head around but when you finally get clear, you will understand.”
“Wow. So we are way more powerful than we are led to believe.” I said.
“Hell yeah! We are co-creators with the divine cosmos. This is why you must master your mind. It is our thoughts that keep us trapped in fear. Mindfulness is the path to true freedom and a deep understanding of who you really are. You have to get the idle chatter of the monkey mind to quiet down. That is when you will hear the divine. This is why meditation is so important.”
“I chant and pray and do yoga everyday.” I said proudly
“That’s wonderful, chanting or praying is a form of meditation that connects us to our higher selves. In addition, you must be willing to sit quietly even just for five minutes, focusing on your breath. This meditation is the listening and is an equally important part of spiritual practice.”
He had a point. If I really wanted to connect to the divine, I had to be willing to listen. And I always talk too much, and think too much and obsesses too much.
“It’s hard to quiet our thoughts. But rather than fight them, sit back and detach from them. Watch them float by lovingly from afar. Lean in to the fear and allow yourself to be a thoughtful observer.”
I hadn’t thought about that before. I was always just reacting to my emotions. I didn’t stop to just sit with them and watch them go by. I gave them power. I literally breathed life into them just by focusing on them as being real.
“Don’t be afraid. When there is an absence of love, it is fear that remains. Look deep within and find that love. It’s there, it always has been, and it always will be.”
This was one of the most intense readings I’ve had in along time. While the thought of where we come from, and our return to nothingness or something-ness can still frighten me, the idea that I am in control of my thoughts and actions and therefore responsible for them, helps tremendously.
I realize now that I am not a victim of my thoughts, but rather a powerful co-creator. I can choose my thoughts no matter what circumstances are thrown my way. While I know I still have a long way to go, this Psychic Junkie is determined to master her monkey mind and finally be at peace.
Wishing the same for all of you…