We all have them. Those people who have overstayed their welcome in our lives, who have not contributed much in the way of positivity and yet we insist on keeping them around. In doing so we create a toxic cocktail which we all too willing drink.
I’ve always wondered why we insist upon keeping these people in our lives? I used to have quite a few people like this who brought me nothing but unhappiness. Coming from a background of abandonment and abuse I gravitated to this persona like flies to poop. The more horrible the person, the better.
They wear many faces: The back-handed complimenter. The shit talker. The one-upper. The I- only- call-you-when -I-want-something-from-you person. How about the “There-was-no-one-better around-so-I’m-reaching-out-to-you friend? Or my personal favorite, the “I’m feeling shitty about my life so want to take it out on you.”
These are just some of the ways these fabulous humans behave and we tolerate it. In fact, we tolerate it so much that they become used to us accepting their atrocious behavior and we become all too willing to appease their tantrums.
Those of us that are compassionate will often try to rationalize keeping these demons in our lives for fear of losing a friend. But the truth is we are poisoning ourselves. We are quite literally drinking a toxic emotional cocktail that robs us of our joy, self-respect, and happiness. And yet, just like any other addiction, we keep coming back for more.
And you can’t win with these personality types! If you try to confront them, they will deny it as most of them love to project, not reflect. As a matter of fact, they will masterfully turn the conversation against you which might end up having you apologizing for something you didn’t even do. And god forbid you treat them the way they’ve treated you! They will more than likely lash out at you because “how dare you” disrespect them. I know, the irony is not lost.
So the question is, why do we put up with it? There are many contributing factors as to why one would willingly drink this poison but the most prevalent is fear. Deep down, we fear we are not loveable and have a need to please people in order to get them to like us. And because we fear this, we continue to choke down that cocktail at the expense of our sanity and emotional health.
But, we don’t have to put up with these people. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t matter if they are long-time friends, relatives or bosses, we have the power to tell them to fuck off and move on. The minute you realize you are an amazing, loveable, co-creation of the universe you will no longer feel the need to tolerate such silly nonsense. I realize this is easier said than done, but it is possible. And it is possible without burning bridges (although blowing up a bridge or two never hurt anyone) starting fights or engaging in intense emotionally draining conversations.
So how does one detox from this situation? Be unavailable. That’s the solution. When you suddenly disappear and are no longer free to have a toxic shot with these harbingers of negativity, they will disappear. They will flit and flitter off into the moonlight to find someone else who is willing to be their punching bag.
As for you, this one act of letting go and choosing yourself will tell the universe you are ready for a change. The universe will respond in kind with…wait for it…NEW PEOPLE! I know it’s hard to believe but the universe wants you to be happy and will make way for you to have new bosses, new co-workers and while you can’t have a new family (unless starting your own) you can certainly attract new friends who are like family. The universe is very accommodating that way.
Remember, you are loveable. You don’t need anyone’s approval and you never need to drink in anyone’s toxic garbage.